Rockin’ the Kids’ Music World

A little over a month ago, on May 21st, I wrote a blog entry about music I’d played with my students. A couple of days later, I heard Elizabeth Edwards being interviewed on the radio. She talked about being on the campaign trail with her husband while dealing with her breast cancer. At the time, I thought, “That poor woman…”

A few days after that, on May 27th, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I wish I could write well enough to describe the feeling I had when the surgeon came into the room and said, “I’m afraid I don’t have very good news for you…” It was probably the closest I’ve ever come to having an out-of-body experience. I went completely numb. I felt as if I were observing someone else having the discussion that we were having with the surgeon. Somehow, I was listening to that radio interview again. It was someone else who had this problem and I wanted to be able to say, ‘Those poor people…”

We had walked into the office that day fully believing the most optimistic of what we had been told: changes in younger women’s breast tissue over the course of any given month is normal because of hormonal changes - therefore lumps aren’t uncommon…the lump was most certainly just a fibrous cyst…the lump was painful - this was a good sign…

And now, suddenly, we were discussing mastectomy.

We were stunned. I didn’t go to work for two days. When I called my mom to tell her, I couldn’t say the words, “Tonya has breast cancer.” It wasn’t until I called my boss to explain my absence that I actually said it, but even then, I asked him not to tell anyone. It was as if I believed that if I ignored it long enough, I could make it go away.

Since that time, we have met with surgeons, genetic counselors, oncologists and social workers. We have learned a new language: “hormone receptors, her-2 positive, BRCA gene,” and so on. Tonya has been through two surgeries and difficult recoveries and is facing a third. She is looking ahead to months of chemo and radiation. It is a rare moment that we are not hyper-aware of the mind-numbing fact: Tonya has breast cancer.

Against that awful backdrop, we have seen a tremendous outpouring of kindness from our friends, family and community. As we rush to doctors appointments, dinners have appeared on our porch every night. People have left bags of groceries, pies, cookies and cards. An anonymous fund sprang up in town to send our kids to day camp as Tonya recovered from her mastectomies.

Through all of this, Tonya has reminded me why I fell in love with her. While she is scared, she is funny, strong, determined and somehow still nurturing.

I realized early on that this diagnosis will change our lives for sometime to come. It will, undoubtedly, be what I’m writing about in one form or another for awhile. I know I began this as a blog, “…about kid’s music - the music I play for kids, the music I want kids to hear, and my life as a Dad.” What can I say? Mostly that I should have added “and my life as a husband,” to that description.

By the way, Tonya has started a blog about her experience. If you’re interested, it’s here: Tonya at Caring Bridge.

One last thing. We are wide open to advice…on diet, on talking to the kids about this, on pre and post chemo things to do. We are also loving to hear success stories; we have found them to be affirming and uplifting. Thanks!

My niece is in 3rd grade - and she’s a real zinger. I remember playing songs for her pre-school when she was three or four (the kids were rocking out to “Five Little Speckled Frogs”…so that’s my age reference) - and Celia walked out in front of the entire class, like a sergeant leading her troops through a basic training drill. I mentioned it to her teacher, and she responded, “She is an organizer - ” That’s the kind of appropriately vague, non-evaluative statement that makes me wonder. At the time, I decided to take it as a compliment to Celia.

About a week ago, I was watching the brood (my 3 plus my sister’s 5, and, yes that does equal 8 kids…), when Celia asked, “Uncle Steve, will you write me a song for the talent show we’re having at school?” I said (of course), “Yes, honey, what do you want it to be about?” She said, “I’m not sure, I’ll think about it…”

Celia called tonight and said, “Uncle Steve, can you write my song about how girls have power?” PAUSE - this is my 9 year old niece talking - allow me to review that quote, “Uncle Steve, can you write my song about how girls have power?” WOW! I hope, when my daughter is 9, 12, 15, 18…and so on, she wants me to write her songs about how girls have power, about how she has power - I’ll start writing those songs now and (hopefully) continue for a long time.

Girls have power? Indeed they do!

I did have to ask Celia what it means to have power as a third grader (mainly because I don’t want to invest all MY hopes, dreams and political opinions in this song). It may well be, in her perception, that having power means having parents who have the best car - but I really hope (and believe) that it goes deeper than that. She’s writing me a list of the things that make her feel powerful - so it remains to be seen - but I actually think that Celia is tapped into something that’s pretty profound as far as our society goes. She is a girl who knows she has power - she’s not second guessing herself at all.

My experience as a teacher suggests a similar dynamic - girls know they have power. I have asked my eighteen year old students how many would call themselves feminists, and felt like a dinosaur because none of them would- the term itself feels obsolete (don’t get me wrong here, I do call myself a feminist and I argue the cause), but girls today seem to look at you like an alien when you even suggest that the idea of feminism is needed. “Of course we are equal - why wouldn’t we be?” (Could this be why Hillary’s campaign has found traction among middle-aged women, but not in the younger crowd - for them, is it just a detail that we haven’t had a woman as a president?)

So Celia is writing her list, and I’ll be writing her a song…I just hope I can do the sentiment justice - stay tuned!

I was on the way to the polls New Hampshire primary day, and I had my 2 year old in tow. Our discussions about the candidates were going nowhere at all until I said, “Baraka Obama likes to ride a llama, and when he’s done he sits out in his sauna.” Gus was a little more attentive. Then I said “And old Mit Romney, he has lot’s of money but he’s not as funny as his friend Guiliani.” Gus got a chuckle out of that…

 
Obama and his Llama

It occurred to me that, from a two, three, four or even five year old’s perspective, the greatest measure of someone’s fitness for public office might be how many words you can rhyme with his or her name. In this field of candidates, it’s a tough call…let’s take a look…

McCain - rain, mane, train, feign, insane (ok, we’ll avoid that one…)

Romney, Guiliani - Not a lot here - if you stretch, you could use money, funny, bunny and even sunny (Rudy’s campaign could use a little sunshine - probably why he’s been spending so much time in Florida…).

Clinton - ouch - help me out…maybe mitten, kitten, etc. Not sure she’d like the lyric, though, “Hillary Clinton gentle as a kitten, when she goes outside, she always wears her mittens…”

Huckabee - I definitely like the long ‘e’ on the end - lots of potential - Apple tree, can’t you see, you and me, cup of tea, and, for the potty training parents out there, time to go pee -

Kucinich - Spinach, and, of course finish (got to hand it to the guy - doesn’t matter what the voters say, he’s in it until the end…)

Edwards - Another tough one - backwards, milk curds (as in curds and whey), cow herds…

SO, with that in mind, and in the name of keeping our young ones involved - I offer the following song, it really does nothing to inform you about the candidates, but, who are we kidding? Neither do most of the debates, polls or speeches…. obama-llama.mp3.

If you have other (better) rhymes, I welcome them!

p.s. - Please excuse the final line (Then there’s Huckabee, climbed an apple tree and said, “Abe can’t you see, it’s time to go pee…”). Considering how useless this song is otherwise, I figured I might add a useful line and try to prevent Abe from having another accident.