It’s Christmas – Time to Kill a few Orcs!

December 16, 2013 at 8:29 pm | Posted in Being a Dad, Fun for Your Family, Musings | Leave a comment
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Hi Everyone, it has been – well – awhile since I posted on this blog.  OK, it’s been 5 years.  Weirdly enough, my kids have grown up as well.  They are now 8, 10 and 12…still very interesting ages, but not the ages when they want to be listening to their dad sing “Piggy” one more time.  No, what they want to be doing (at least the 10 year old), is going to see The Hobbit part deux with their dad at the local theater.  I mean, let’s face it, going to see your dad sing is not a guarantee of Snowcaps, Popcorn and a large, refillable drink – but watching a few (or shall I say 1000 (000000000000) ) orcs get killed definitely primes a (young) man’s appetite – and MAN was I hungry when I watched the latest Hobbit flick with my son…and I mean hungry to see a few nasty, smelly,  snarly, scarly, orcs meet their maker (Peter Jackson?)…and they did at the hands of two VERY ninja-esque elves.  (Yes, Harry Potter, Dobby was free, but pretty lame compared to these Bad A** elves – just think what would have happened to Bellatrix LeStrange if Tauriel had been on the job…)

As for the rest of the movie – it’s alright. OK, maybe more than alright, but other than the awesome Peter Jackson-esque vistas and the lovely soundtrack, it’s pretty standard fare. It’s the old story of a quest to recover the dwarves homeland, restore Thorin to his rightful place as King Under the Mountain and rid the world of the terrible scourge of Smaug (who should have been named ‘Smug’ with his know-it all attitude and British accent.  Seriously, how is it that a dragon can speak better English than the orcs when he lives alone and never talks to anyone?)   Then there is the mysterious Necromancer – threatening impending doom to all the world.

With that same-old heroes questy thing going on in the background, Jackson needed to jazz it up with some pretty exciting fight scenes – and he did.  A good example is the one when the dwarves are floating down a river in barrels beating off attacking orcs aided by the elves Tauriel and Legolas. Legolas leaps back and forth on the dwarves heads (I just can’t get over how far elves have come since Herbie wanted to be a dentist!) This fight scene, like every other one, involves impaling, shooting, beheading, tripping, teasing, and generally ridiculing orcs.  Not that they don’t deserve it, they are ugly and bad mannered, and their noses are all scrunched up so undoubtedly they snore.

On a literary note – orcs weren’t in the Hobbit.  The dwarves were bothered by goblins and some wolf-like things called, if memory serves, wargs.   No, Jackson created these pesky creatures himself.  And, they fit what seems to be Jackson’s pattern: the tougher and meaner you look, the more ridiculous a fighter you are – the big spiders fit this pattern and ***SPOILER ALERT*** so does Smaug who will end up being killed by a single arrow (in the next film, assuming Jackson follows the text).

My ten year old loved every minute of it.  As I watched him watch it, I was reminded of my 9 year old self watching the first Star Wars way back when.  In that movie it was the tough looking Storm Troopers who literally fell like flies.  I watched, wide-eyed and open mouthed with awe back then in the same way he watched today .  All in all, it was definitely worth the $20 it cost us to get through the door and then the additional $20 we spent on snowcaps, drinks and popcorn.  And, with it’s white bearded magic dude, elves who make miracles, snowy landscapes,  and desire to make the world a better place (albeit by killing orcs), it may just become the next great holiday classic.


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